How-To

How to Attract a Man: Psychology-Backed Tips That Actually Work

FFacts On Tap Editorial Team Fact-checked Updated January 26, 2026 3 min read

Attraction isn't magic, but it does follow some patterns that psychologists have studied for decades. Confidence, genuine connection, and good communication consistently show up as the traits people find most appealing in a partner.

Here's a practical, no-nonsense rundown of what tends to work, along with a myth or two worth retiring.

Confidence is one of the most consistently attractive traits across studies of partner preference, in both men and women.
Good posture and steady (not intense) eye contact are both linked in research to being perceived as more confident and likable.
Authenticity, being genuinely yourself rather than performing a persona, is strongly associated with longer-lasting attraction and relationship satisfaction.
Sharing your real interests, opinions, and feelings early helps a potential partner see if you're actually compatible, rather than compatible with a mask.
A positive, optimistic outlook is rated as attractive in surveys of desirable partner traits, partly because it signals emotional stability.
Practicing gratitude has been shown in psychology research to improve mood and life satisfaction, which can make you more pleasant to be around.
Body language matters a lot in first impressions, but the popular claim that '93% of communication is nonverbal' is a myth: it comes from a 1967 study by Albert Mehrabian about communicating feelings and attitudes specifically, not communication in general.
A genuine smile (one that engages the muscles around the eyes, not just the mouth) is reliably rated as more attractive and trustworthy than a forced one.
Open, relaxed body posture (uncrossed arms, facing the other person) reads as more approachable than closed-off posture.
Shared interests and shared values are two of the strongest predictors of relationship compatibility identified in relationship science.
Trying new activities together, even ones neither person has done before, can boost feelings of attraction by association with the excitement of the activity itself, a phenomenon researchers call 'misattribution of arousal.'
Total mystery isn't necessary for attraction, but gradual, reciprocal self-disclosure (sharing a bit more about yourself over time as trust builds) is linked to deeper attraction than oversharing everything on the first date.
Unpredictability in small, positive ways (spontaneous plans, playful teasing) can keep things interesting, but consistency and reliability matter more for long-term attraction.
Independence, having your own friends, goals, and interests outside a relationship, is consistently rated as attractive because it signals a full, secure life rather than dependence on a partner.
Financial responsibility and having personal goals are traits frequently cited in surveys as signs of maturity and stability that people look for in a partner.

Frequently asked questions

Is it true that 93% of communication is nonverbal?

No, that's a common misreading of a 1967 study by Albert Mehrabian, which was specifically about communicating feelings and attitudes when words, tone, and body language conflict. It was never meant to describe all communication.

How can I improve my body language to seem more attractive?

Focus on open posture, genuine smiling, and steady eye contact. These read as confidence and warmth, which are consistently rated as attractive.

Does playing hard to get actually work?

Some research suggests moderate unpredictability can add intrigue, but reliability and clear communication matter far more for building real, lasting attraction.

Why is independence considered attractive?

Having your own friends, goals, and interests signals emotional security and a fulfilling life, which most people find more appealing than dependence on a partner.

What matters more, shared interests or chemistry?

Both play a role, but relationship research finds shared values and compatible communication styles are stronger long-term predictors of a healthy relationship than initial chemistry alone.

Sources & further reading

Reviewed by the Facts On Tap Editorial Team

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